I. She looks out at the darkness Extending past the spotlights Beyond she can hear chattering Clinking cups and shuffling chairs Impatient throat-clearing waiting Taking a big step she walks out Stepping out onto the stage Grasping the microphone in hand Breathing it smells like stale coffee Breaking her concentration Forgetting words so well rehearsed II. Bored he brings his cup to his lips Ceramic filled with hot coffee Searching the stage with his eyes In the shadow of the curtains She twists like a leaf in a storm That awaits the hurricane As she moves to take the stage The light above sets her a flame Like an angel ascending From heaven he can't be seen He can see her sad searching eyes Somewhere untouchable a soul moves III. Her tongue gone dry wets itself On words that come automatic Recalling poems about love Overcoming all obstacles Set against a metaphor Of a windmill at sunset Painted red like the passion Of lovers who are dispersed Seeking each other blinded By the mundanity of the world IV. All the world is in darkness Except the seraphim on stage Weaving sounds that are impression Lost of intrinsic meaning Other than that they came from her Her singing soulful voice weaving A tapestry of images With just the painting of her words Until the stage at last goes dark She having left taking light with her V. Hand to chest she feels her heart slow The launching of her words complete Into the world where they were caught With strangers hands applauding Fading away she hears a voice Love is a many splendid thing In the dark a light attaches To a still clapping for her She feels all the things she's written Holding her heart in his smile
A poem for msjadeli’s open link night at dVerse since the mic isn’t actually open.
Copyright © 2021 TJS Sherman All rights reserved.
A vivid picture from all angles
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I could feel the anticipation of the moment as the poem progressed. The secondary mesmerized man watching was woven in very nicely. A great story poem!
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Thank you, I got inspired by the multiple versed example
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It worked very well!
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Nicely composed, rich in perspective, there is an up-closeness that bring immediacy to the words. Well done!
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Thank you for that perspective.
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My pleasure!
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So many angles colliding into one. Him and her, a beautiful shape forming. Lovely! 🙂
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Thank you, I wanted to play with the multiple perspective form as I don’t use it much.
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You played it well. 🙂
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What a wonderful poem! I love the two perspectives and the way they come together at the end. The opening stanza sets the scene superbly through the use of sound and smell, creating a feeling of nervousness and anticipation. The male counterpart is so well characterised – and the link between the microphone smelling like stale coffee and his hot coffee is perfect. What an amazing description:
‘The light above sets her aflame
Like an angel ascending
From heaven he can’t be seen
He can see her sad searching eyes…’
which made me think he was connected to her.
I love the phrase: ‘Her tongue gone dry wets itself on words that come automatic’ and the lines:
‘The launching of her words complete
Into the world where they were caught
With strangers hands applauding’.
It reminds me of a reading I did in London with my husband in the audience.
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I appreciate you sharing this story with me. I’m glad that it resonated with your actual memory, that’s a high compliment 😊
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love how the images roll here. you wrote such vivid moments in heartfelt perspectives.
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Thank you. I thought about how visual the actual scene would be and tried to weave it in with words.
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definitely succeeded.
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Such a beautiful and vivid piece. I love the energy throughout it; anticipating, anxiety, excitement, fulfillment. It’s evocative to me.
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I appreciate that the emotions of the two moments came through.
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What I enjoy about this is that there was fulfillment from two perspectives. Well told.
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I wanted the challenge of trying to weave two perspectives into a single narrative, I’m glad it works. Thank you.
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So atmospheric! I was right there in the moment!
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I also like how the coffee connects the first and second stanzas and how the stanzas alternate perspectives until the last one, where they merge. Favorite lines:
“Somewhere untouchable a soul moves”
“All the world is in darkness
Except the seraphim on stage”
and especially like this ending:
“She feels all the things she’s written
Holding her heart in his smile”
It feels like the part in Pinocchio when he becomes a real boy, or in The Velveteen Rabbit, when the bunny becomes real.
Nicely done!
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I really liked the last two lines. That’s the thing about writing, is your write hundreds of lines to get a handful that are really strong and you can build off of. Thanks again for hosting!
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Yes, or you write one line and edit it hundreds of times 🙂 You are welcome.
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Love at the Honky Tonk Cafe! Beautifully descriptively written. (I love the word mundanity!)
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I always appreciate when I see words that resonate with me too, thanks for the feedback.
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i have my first open mic for over a year booked for the 6th june. i truly getthe whole dry mouth, this realy shouted how i feel at the mo when rehearsing the words i want share. grea poem hit home
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I feel like there’s a ven diagram of writers and people who like to present, and usually people fall onto one side or another. Good luck at your open mic night!
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Thank you
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You told a wonderful story through this poem. ❤
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Thank you!
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I really like the two perspectives in this poem – they add great dimension to the story. Love the line ‘Her tongue gone dry wets itself/ On words .’
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Oh, a gorgeous romantic poem, TJS Sherman! Such a vivid scene playing out. I especially love the lines: Until the stage at last goes dark / She having left taking light with her ❤
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I love the shifting perspective, and how it ends with a promise of more poetry to come…
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Well written TJS! I celebrate the veracity and power of your words. May you continue always sharing only your authentic self — that alone makes you genuine, meaningful to read, and of worth to be heard! Síocháin!
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I count my blessings, simultaneously in the audience of your work here and finding myself in your poem’s audience as well. Wonderful work indeed. Thanks.
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