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Poem: The Mock Epic of Blond Beard

The seven seas had never seen such a terror
As blond beard the first pirate of Nebraska
He had applied his pirating skills
Selling his yard sale finds on eBay
To fund his pirate ship the Emma Lee
A beauty of steel of polymer
With patches of bright white
Seats for two and off board motor
That once ran and would run again
Once he got permission from the missus

Standing on the seaboard prow 
Swigging his cheap run and peering
Through his spyglass across the sea
Of his green yard at his neighbor Bob
Watching on with envy

Blond Beard could hear their jeers
Their doubts about the terror he would be
So he finally made up his mind
Hitching up the Emma Lee to his SUV
Children lined the neighborhood roads
Watching as she sailed by in awe
He was careful over speed bumps
To not lose her on the asphalt sea

Backing into the green algae covered waters
Of the humid local pond
He cut the Emma Lee lose
Watching her float and bob
Six pack and tackle in hand he took a might leap
Landing on her deck firmly with both feet
He took a swing of beer and looked to the East
Preparing to become the terror
He always promised he would be
Until he felt his sneakers getting wet
As Emma Lee was letting in the sea

Being a good captain he went down the the ship
Until his was knee high in water
Then wading back to land
With a rope and a tug
He brought her back to shore
Swearing to fix the patches and return once more

The adventures of the dread Blond Beard 
We’re not thwarted only just delayed
Until he could get some more money
And await another nice day

This is a poem in mock epic style, telling the exaggerated adventures of an urbanite husband.

To read more about this style, click here.

Copyright © 2021 TJS Sherman All rights reserved.


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